We always imagine eternity as something beyond our conception, something vast, vast! But why must it be vast? Instead of all that, what if it’s one little room, like a bath house in the country, black and grimy and spiders in every corner, and that’s all eternity is? I sometimes fancy it like that
It’s a curious reflection: what are people most afraid of? Of doing something new, saying a new word of their own that hasn’t been said before—that’s what scares them most.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky,
Crime and Punishment (via
conitor)
(via torace)
Why am I going there now? Am I capable of that? Is that serious? It is not serious at all. It’s simply a fantasy to amuse myself; a plaything! Yes, maybe it is a plaything.
Dostoevsky. Crime and Punishment.
What are you doing that for, to me of all people?!” she muttered, and turned pale. Her heart pulsed with great pain.
He rose at once. “It wasn’t you I bowed down to. I bowed down to all of suffering humanity,” he said wildly, and walked off to the window. “Listen”-after a minute he turned to face her-“I told a blackguard just now he wasn’t worth your little finger…I told him I did my sister an honor today by seating her beside you.”
“What did you say that for! Was she there?” Sonia exclaimed in alarm. “An honor! Sitting beside me! But I…I’m dishonorable, a terrible sinner. What in the world were you saying!”
“I said what I said not because of your dishonor or your sin, but because of your great suffering. It’s true, though, that you’re a terrible sinner,” he added, practically enraptured. “Mostly because you’ve mortified yourself and sold yourself in vain. There’s a horror for you, a real horror. You live in this muck that you hate, and all the time you know yourself-all you have to do is open your eyes-you won’t help anybody this way, you won’t save anybody from anything! Tell me then, finally”-he was almost in a frenzy-“how can you abide such shame and degradation inside you up against their opposite - such holy feelings?
Dostoevsky’s “Crime and Punishment”